Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
