i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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