dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
