Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
