I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
