the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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