I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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