My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
