The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
tell me about the eggs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
