I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
