My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
