Tell her she can't have a vagina
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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