He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
