College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
