Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
