Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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