I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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