Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
