what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
