apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
