I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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