We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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