I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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