your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
