babies were throwing up all over the place
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
