Plan B is the new Plan A
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
