My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
