He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
