I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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