I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
