I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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