what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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