you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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