I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
