You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
