You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
