Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
