1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
