I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
