I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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