when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize