if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
