New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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