He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
