that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
