yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
