If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
