they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
