if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
