Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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