Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
These tits shall not be calmed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
