nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
