Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
