Got a toothbrush?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
