My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
