It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize