You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
