I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
