mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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