you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
