I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
