Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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