Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
