allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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