it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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