You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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