i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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