Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize