office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
