literally had 100 drinks last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
