I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
