So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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