dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
